I wish you knew
by Slightly Afraid
Summary: Divergent from Fours POV. I know there's a lot already out there, but I DESPERATELY wanted to do one of my own! Enjoy! please r r, your support means so much to me! I'll try and reply to all of your reviews! enjoy :) I have huge writers block, so I'm not going to be updating this story for a while. sorry!
1. Chapter 1

**Hola! I know a lot of people have already done Fours POV for Divergent, but i wanted to to my own rendition of it, so TA-DA! ;) I'm going to need Names that sound Dauntless if that makes sense for the second chapter, so if you could either send me a PM or review that'd be great! please review and tell me what you think. This is my first Divergent fanfic so I hope It's not disappointing! ;) enjoy! XD**

** ~Slightly Afraid**

* * *

_**I wish you knew...**_

I stood at the bottom of the net looking up at the bright sky and its blazing sun with Lauren at my side.

"Who d'you think the first jumper will be Four?" She asks excitedly.

"Probably some smart ass Ertrude. Maybe a Candor. Has been for the last 4 years anyway." I reply smirking. Lauren smiles and looks up to the top of the net. "Guess we're gonna find out." I follow her gaze and see a small figure standing by the mouth of the hole. They undo the jacket the wear, (but I can't see the colour because of the sun) and toss it to the ground. The slight what I presumed to be female looks back once more and jumps forward. I watch her as she falls and am completely taken aback when I see that she wears Gray. Abnegation.

She crawls over to where I stand but when she tries to climb down the steps she almost falls so I offer her my hand. She reminds me a lot of myself on my first day of initiation. Frightened maybe, but fascinated. She smiles and takes my hand in her tiny, but powerful grip. "Thanks." She replies politely.

"Can't believe it!" Says Lauren from behind me slapping my shoulder "A Stiff, first to jump? Unheard of!" I smiled. "That's the reason why she left them Lauren," I turn to the girl. "What's your name?" She chews her lip "Umm..." She stops herself, obviously not liking the name she currently holds. "Think about it. You don't get to pick again." I smile reassuringly at her. She returns the smile and my heart flutters at the simple gesture. "Tris." She says happily. It suits her. "Tris," says Lauren echoing her. "Make the announcement Four." I turn to face the near invisible members of Dauntless. "First jumper, Tris." They cheer and pound their fists into the air and suddenly morph into the light, but even their deafening applause can't cover up the unmistakable sound of a falling, screaming female initiate. The crowd suddenly start laughing but they soon return to their raucous cheering. I extend a hand out to Tris and she slips her hand into mine shaking it- the Dauntless greeting. I smile at her, my eyes shining as I take in her figure. "Welcome to Dauntless."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- first of all I'd like to say a huge thank you to my readers and reviewers! Your support means the world to me! This chapter is going to be very long, I hope you enjoy it! I still need some dauntless-sounding names if you can think of any! Please review! I'll try and reply to all of them! Any way, enough waffling! Here's chapter two! Enjoy!**

**~Slightly Afraid**

* * *

**Chapter 2 **

When All the initiates stand on solid ground again, Lauren, Max and I lead them down the long dark tunnel that leads right into the heart of the Dauntless compound; the pit.

We stop at the end of the tunnel and the others follow. It was actually quite amusing to watch the initiates smack into each other. The stiff; Tris, walks into an Ertrude boy called Will hitting her nose hard on his shoulder, and I suddenly have a strange urge to rush over and see if she's ok. '_Focus Four!_' I shake my head slightly to rid myself of the strange emotion, and decide its time to start initiation. I turn around and fold my arms across my muscular chest. Lauren and Max soon copy me.

"This is where we divide," Lauren says with a hint of happiness in the flat tone she usually reserves for the initiates. "The Dauntless born initiates are with me. I assume _you _don't need a tour of the place." She smiles kindly and beckons the Dauntless born initiates to follow her.

I glance at Tris and notice that she's watching the Dauntless born as they leave. A small smile tugs at the corners of my lips but I force it away with a frown. One of the Candor boys; Peter decides to stare at me. I hate it when people stare. It makes me feel extremely self conscious, so I decide to glare at him. He makes the wise decision and looks away. '_Good._'

"Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks I am your instructor," I make eye contact with a few of them. "My name is Four" I try to keep my voice even but the look Tris is giving me makes my stomach knot up. '_What's happening to me?' _I've never felt like this before.

Suddenly an annoyingly cocky girl from Candor decides to speak up. "Four? Like the number?"

"Yes," I reply coldly "Is there a problem?"

"No."

"Good. We're about to go into the pit, which you will someday learn to love. It-"

The same girl that made the comment about my nickname snickered. "The Pit? Clever name." I walk up to her ad lean my face close to hers and narrow my eyes, trying to look as scary as I can, (obviously succeeding) and stare at her for a couple of seconds.

"What's your name?" I ask quietly

"Christina," she squeaks. I'm really enjoying this.

Well, Christina, if I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction," I hiss the words making sure I'm heard. "The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?" She nods. I back away from her and turn back towards the direction of the Pit. I smirk to myself and decide to listen in on the convocation Tris is having with Christina. I didn't manage to catch most of it but it sounded like Christina called me a jerk. This almost makes me laugh. '_Oh Christina! You know nothing.'_

I push open the door to the Pit and step aside so they can see. I look over at the transfers and Christina looks like she finally gets it.

They take in their new surroundings, and I scan over their faces trying to work out each initiates emotions. My eyes finally land on tris and I smile. Her eyes are gleaming and the smile on her lips is so big it makes me want to laugh! I get a sudden urge to reach out and touch her. I shake my head a put my usual scowl back on.

""If you follow me," I say "I'll show you he chasm." I lead them over to one of the darkest, and loudest, corners of the compound, and watch their faces as they try to figure out where they are. My friends think I'm weird because I think that this very calming and relaxing.

"The Chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!" I have to shout so that the transfers can hear me. "A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. You have been warned." As I start to walk away from the railing I over hear Tris and Christina's convocation. "This is incredible!" Christina says. "Incredible is the word," Tris replies. I suppress a smile.

I start walking towards the huge hole in the wall that leads to the cafeteria. When the initiates walk in, the members stand. They applaud. They stamp their feet. Noise envelops us. I see tris smile. '_You belong here' _I think to myself.

I sit down at an empty table to eat dinner. I can't be bothered right now to look for Lauren and Zeke. Tris and Christina end up sitting next to me. They each grab food from the platter in the middle of the table, but whilst Christina starts to eat hers immediately, Tris looks at her food with distrust. "its beef," I say nudging her with my elbow. "Put this on it." And I pass her the bowl of Ketchup.

"You've never had a hamburger before?" Asks Christina. Her eyes widen with shock.

"No," she says "is that what it's called?" Christina looks confused so I decide to butt in

"Stiffs eat plain food," I say nodding at her.

"Why?" she asks. Tris shrugs.

"Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary." Christina smirks.

"no wonder you left."

"Yeah," Tris says rolling her eyes. "It was just because of the food."

I feel the corners of my mouth twitch into a lopsided half smile. Suddenly the door bursts open and Eric storms through. He's looking for me. Eric reminds me of my overly abusive father. He's always after something, he always gets it, and he's not bothered who he hurts trying to get it.

"Who's that?" hisses Christiana

"His name's Eric," I say "He's a Dauntless leader."

"Seriously? But he's so young!" I give her a grave look.

"Age doesn't matter here." I can tell they want to ask more questions, but Eric's menacing eyes find us and he marches over. He drops casually into the seat next to me and I suppress a shiver.

"What have you been doing lately Four?" I lift a shoulder

"Nothing really." This whole convocation is unnerving me. I know what he's here for and I don't like it. I wish he'd just leave!

"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up," Eric says. "He requested that I find out what's going on with you." I look at him for a few seconds before replying.

"Tell him that I'm satisfied with the position I currently hold."

"So he wants to offer you a job." The rings in Eric's eyebrows catch the light.

"So it would seem," I say.

"And you're not interested."

"I haven't been interested for two years." I say flatly not even bothering to look at him now.

"Well," says Eric "Let's hope he gets the point then." He claps me on the shoulder making me shudder. Tris looks at me "Are you two… Friends?" I shake my head.

"we were in the same initiation class," I say "He transferred from Ertrude.

"Were you a transfer too?" I hate questions. And this one especially is making me nervous. I try a different route.

"I thought I would only have trouble with Candor asking too many questions," I say coldly "Now I've got Stiffs too?"

"It must be because you're so approachable," she says flatly "You know. Like a bead of nails." I stare at her and she doesn't look away. There's something about this girl. Something that I like about her. Then I realise… I think I just found my first real crush…

"Careful Tris." I say emphasising the '_careful_''. I hear Zeke call my name from across the room and go to join them.

"Four?" Shauna asks "are you feeling ok? You look like your blushing! QUICK someone get a camera!" at this I start to blush even more. They all start laughing.

"Is it a girl?" Zeke asks. I start to turn beet read and my ears feel very hot. "It is! Four- the Dauntless protégée- famous for having no feelings _fancies _someone!"

Lauren starts laughing and Uriah- Zeke's younger brother- Claps me on the back.

Lauren pats my hand "our little Four is finally growing up." And we all burst into a fit of laughter.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:- I'm sorry guys for not updating, but I've been on holiday and there was no internet connection. L But whilst I was away I wrote three chapters and I'm going to try and post them all today to make up for the absence of updates! ;) Enjoy!**

**Oh and thank you to JLG for suggesting the names!**

**And I keep forgetting to do this so…**

**Disclaimer: I Don't own Divergent or the plot or characters. Just the content that isn't speech, Mercedes and Sammy. (You'll understand when you read the chapter)**

**~Slightly Afraid**

* * *

**I wish you knew. Chapter 3**

After dinner, Eric takes charge of the initiates, and I decide to head down to the training room to work on the punching bags. I find the sound of skin hitting the tough fabric relaxing and soothing; yet another reason my friends think me weird. When I reach the training room I take the key out of my pocket and unlock the door sliding swiftly and soundlessly into the room, locking the door again from the inside.

I quickly hang up one of the heavier bags and wrap up my knuckles in the gloves Zeke got me for my "Birthday". With me being from Abnegation, we didn't know my actual birthday, so Zeke, Shauna, Mercedes and I picked a date at random from a hat. (Well actually it was a glass that had previously held Zeke's pint, but still.) The date we picked was the 5th April. Weird really, it was completely coincidence, but there are 5 letters in my last name-Eaton- and my nickname is Four (4/5/-).

Once I have the black fingerless gloves on my hand I get to work, destroying the bag, taking out all my frustration from the day on the tough leather until my knuckles are bruised. I yank down the heavy punching bag and dump it in the supply cupboard and put up the lighter bags for the initiates training tomorrow. I also grab the boxes of guns and ammunition and start loading the weapons. When every gun is loaded and ready to fire, I carry them into the room next door to the training room. Mercedes and I decided to call it 'the room of noise' during our initiation, because the noise of the guns and knives deafened a transfer from Ertrude. He ended up quitting initiation and living factionless.

I look around the room and decide to just get everything ready for the first day of training. I walk to the store room where we keep the targets and the lightest punching bags along with the chalk, and grab as many targets and I can hold (which just so happens to be 6) and place them in a long line down one side of the room. I then run back to the store room, pick up 5 more targets and place 4 along with the others, but then place the fifth at the farthest end of the room. I grab a gun and walk to the farthest side of the room opposite the target I'd just placed. I raised my gun out in front of me, perfectly in line with my shoulders, but don't fire. I remember the first time I shot a gun two years ago during my own initiation, and how it made me feel free, _alive _

oOo

_(Flashback)_

_I raised the black metal object in my hand for the first time in line with my shoulders and closed my left eye, lining up the barrel of the gun with the target. I pull the trigger, the recoil knocking me off balance, but the bullet hits the dead centre._

"_Four? Is that really the first time you've held a gun?" Amar- my instructor- asks slightly taken aback by my accuracy. I nod and shoot again, as before the bullet hit dead centre. Everyone else had stopped shooting and was staring open mouthed at me. Who would've thought it? An Abnegation transfer, the Stiff, the best shot?_

oOo

suddenly the door bursts open bringing me back into the present. I turn around to see who the intruder was. Zeke. He grabs a gun and stands next to me.

"highest score wins?" he asks grinning like a child. I return the smile and nod.

"on the count of three… 1… 2… 3!" we both fire ten times, drop the guns and sprint over towards the target. " DAMMIT FOUR! Not again! You hit the centre EVERY time! That's ten points per shot! You know what? I've decided I don't like you any more " he winks and punches me in the shoulder. I pinch him back and we end up wrestling until Shauna, Mercedes and Sammy (Shauna's older sister) burst in on us.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Shauna asks. Mercedes laughs and points to the pair of guns on the floor and the wooden target riddled with holes. "What do you think Shauna? Four won a shooting contest. Again" Sammy walks over to us and pulls Zeke of my chest. "Oh thank god for that! I thought Zeke was trying to make out with you or something!" we all start laughing and rolling around on the floor, holding our stomachs, but I cant help feeling gloomy. I don't feel complete. I start to wonder what my life would be like with Tris in it. I start to smile and the thought and Shauna smiles back, probably guessing what I'm thinking about. I mutter something about going to bed because I've got to be up early for initiation tomorrow, and Shauna makes an excuse and follows.

"Four! Come on! Who is it? Is it an Initiate?" she touches my arm and I blush and nod, speeding up. "I knew it! Who is it is it a transfer? Is it that Christina girl from Candor?" I shake my head. I know I should tell someone and Shauna is the one to tell, but how do I tell her that the girl I like is the Stiff from Abnegation?

"No it's not her. Its... someone else…" Shauna thinks for a moment.

"I seriously doubt it's that Molly girl. My dirty plate of Dauntless cake looks better than her. Hey that rhymes! Anyway, it's not Myra because she's dating that Edward guy, so that leaves the…" her eyes widen and her jaw drops. "The stiff…" she whispers it so quietly I have to really concentrate to hear her. Suddenly, her smile gets even bigger showing her perfectly straight teeth. She throws her arms around my neck and stays there for a minute. Shauna and Zeke are my best friends, and the only people I let touch me. She pulls back and looks knowingly into my eyes

"I'm happy for you four! Good look!" with that she saunters off down the hall looking for her apartment and I slip into mine.

I kick my shoes off, pull off my tee-shirt and pants, slip on the comfy sweat pants I sleep in, and climb into bed. As I fall asleep I think of Tris, and I dream of her sitting next to me in my secret spot in the Chasm, holding my hand and kissing my lips. There is nothing I've ever wanted more, than to have this scene in my future.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I'm SO sorry this update took so long, I've been having Internet problems.

Nearing the end of this chapter Four gets another tattoo, and its kind of hard to describe, so if you're struggling to understand, go onto google images and type into google:- male arm tattoos and count from the right 12. It's that one. ENJOY! :)

~Slightly Afraid

* * *

**I wish you knew **

**Chapter four**

"The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second is how to win a fight." I press a gun into Tris' hand without looking at her- because I know I won't be able to control the blush that creeps up my skin every time I think of her- and keep on walking. "Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don't need to teach you that." I look over to Tris, and can tell by the look on her face, that she's tired. Her eyes are dark and her shoulders are slumped, but she looks fierce. She holds the gun like it's supposed to be held. Like it was a killing machine, unlike some of the other transfers that were messing around and playing with the weapon.

"Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time." I graze over each of the initiates faces, making eye contact with a few of them. They look nervous. I can't help the smile that tugs at the corners of my lips. I'm enjoying being intimidating!

"We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear," I say "therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."

"But what…" Peter a transfer from Candor, yawns through his words. "What does firing a gun have to do with… bravery?" His stupid question pushed me. I flip the gun in my hand, press the barrel to Peter's forehead and click the bullet into place.

"Wake. Up." I snap. "You're holding a loaded gun you idiot. Act like it."

I decided that if he started being overly cocky and well… Candor, around me again I'd shoot him in the foot. I move the gun away from his head and step back. I'm really surprised when he doesn't reply, but keeps his mouth shut, his cheeks turning red.

"And to answer your question… You are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself." I stop walking at the end of the row and turn on my heal. "This is also information you may need later in stage one. So, watch me." I face the wall with the targets on it and let my feet find the middle target. I stand shoulder width apart, holding the gun in both hands, and fire. As usual the bullet hits the centre. I turn back to face the transfers, and every face is filled with a mixture of awe, jealousy and envy. Everyone except Tris. She looks amazed and fascinated and turns round to face her own target. She stands, just like I did, and raises her gun. She fires, misses her target and stumbles a bit. This carries on (minus the stumbling as she managed to stand still) for five more rounds, until an Ertrude transfer- Will- whispered something to her. She obviously took his advice as she hit the target on the next shot. She carries on and soon she hits the centre. I look around at the other initiates faces, and find that she's the only one to have hit the centre of the target. I look at her delicate face and find that she wears the brightest smile I've ever seen.

oOo

By the time we brake for lunch, every initiate looked tired and warn out. They're still going to have to train after lunch though. When we got into the cafeteria I found Zeke, Shauna, Lauren, Mercedes, Scar, Trapper, Xander and Peaches (all friends from my initiation) and sat down. Zeke passed me a piece of Chocolate cake and a bottle of Pepsi (Whilst looking in the files last year in the control room I found a bunch of top secret recipes including Pepsi, Something called Pop tarts and Toblerone) and I guzzled them down almost instantly. "No Uriah?" I asked Zeke.

"Nah. Not today. He's trying to make a move on Marline. He's sitting over there with her, Lynn, Creeper and Brendon." I look over to where Uriah sits and smile at his failing attempt to attract Marline. "The names some of the Dauntless born pick are ridiculous!" I say laughing. My friends soon join in and Peaches tries to say something but he can't speak because of laughter. Soon Shauna pipes up. "You can talk! What's your name again? Four?" we all start laughing again and Lauren almost falls on the floor. This is why I chose Dauntless.

oOo

After lunch I lead the transfers to the training room where I'd hung up the punching bags yesterday. All of the nine of the initiate's names are written on the chalk board in alphabetical order at the far end of the room. I tell them to each stand behind a punching bag whilst I stand in the middle, where they can all see me.

"As I said this morning," I say "next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges-which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless." I look at Tris and she looks thoughtful. She looks worried. I feel the need to go over to her and give her a hug, to tell her she'll make it through initiation, that she'll be fine. But I can't do that. I have to suppress my feelings for her.

"we will go over technique today, and tomorrow you will start to fight each other," I say unenthusiastically. "So I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt." I demonstrate the right and left hook, uppercut, jab, Front snap kick, Back Kick, Side kick and the Round House kick demonstrating each one as I do, first in the air, then o the punching bag.

After they have a basic knowledge of fighting I stand back to watch. Edward, a transfer from Ertrude, is by far the best fighter. I heard Al say that he'd been studying combat since he was young. My eyes graze across the room, and finally land on Tris her punching bag doesn't move far, but that's understandable as she's small. I decide that I want to talk to her, to give her advice, but to make it seem less conspicuous, I wonder round the room, briefly giving advice to each transfer. I finally reach Tris, but I'm at a loss for words.

I look over her entire body, purely thinking of something to say.

"You don't have much muscle," I say "which means your better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them." Without thinking, I suddenly put my hand on her stomach. I was about to pull my hand away when I thought of something I could say in order to keep my hand against her skin.

"Never forget to keep tension here." I pull my hand away and walk towards the blackboard so that she couldn't see the blush that was creeping along my neck.

When I dismiss the transfers for dinner I look at Tris and see Christina nudge her elbow. "I'm surprised he didn't break you in half!" She says "he scares the hell out of me. It's that quiet voice he uses. She looked over her shoulders at me and I looked away, randomly moving the punching bags one handed. I was really showing off now. "Yeah he's..." He's what?! Please don't say terrifying. I don't think I could live with myself if she said that. "...Defiantly intimidating" THANK GOD!

I decided I was going to get another on my shoulder or my arm. I'd decide on the way. When I arrived at the tattoo parlour, I see Tris's friend Al getting a tattoo from Bud, and quietly slip round to Tori's work station. "Hey Four back so soon?" I laugh and smile brightly at her. "Tori it's been 7 months since I was last here!" I wink at her and sit down in the chair taking my shirt off. "I want this one right here." I say pointing to the wall and my shoulder. It was an old Celtic design that reached up to my neck and stretches halfway down my bicep. Tori smiles and goes to get the ink and tattoo pen.

An hour later Tori finally stops and puts the needle down. "There you go Four all done. Wow I am really good!" She laughs and I smile standing up to look in the mirror on the other side of the room. "I gave one of your initiates a tattoo today." Why's she telling me this? "Her name was Tris. She spoke a lot about you. Good things." My heart flutters and a smile forms on my face. Tris was talking about me?

I left the tattoo parlour smiling and for the first time since My mother left, leaving me with my overly abusive father, I slept without nightmares.


End file.
